मेरी पहली वेलेनटाइन डेट......

सर्दी अभी पूरी गई नहीं थी, बसंत की शांत सुबह थी। श्रीमतीजी चाय रख गई थी, चाय में उनका प्यार कम आदत ज्यादा थी, ऐसा नहीं है कि प्यार नहीं है हमारे बीच, पर प्यार भी शायद एक आदत ही होती है।
खैर, बिस्तर पर बैठे-बैठे, बाएं हाथ में चाय की प्याली थामें, दाएं हाथ से, तह किए हुए अखबार के बीच से शहर के लिए दिया हुआ निकाला मैंने,
असल में सुबह-सो कर उठने पर हल्की बातों से दिन कि शरूआत करना अच्छा लगता है मुझे, इसीलिए बजाए पहले पन्ने की भारी भरकम खबरों के, शहर विशेष वाला पन्ना पहले पढ़ता हूं।
पहले पन्ने पर ही पड़े आधे पेज के विज्ञापन ने मेरी तन्द्रा तोड़ी, लिखा था,
इस वेलेन्टाइन डे पर अपने प्यार को दीजिए एक ऐसा तोहफा जो कभी न खत्म हो...
एक सुनहरी याद...
प्यार के गुलाबी एहसास में डूबी एक यादगार शाम
                                          होटल पिंक
                                          प्रवेश मात्र 450 रू प्रति युगल

वेलेन्टाइन डे आ रहा था, आज फरवरी की दस तारीख थी। ‘‘मम्मी टावल बाहर छूट गई है’’, संजू ने बाथरूम से ही आवाज लगाई। मेरा बेटा संजू, अभी नौंवीं में पढ़ता है। मैंने भी उसी पल कुछ फैसला किया।
‘‘ संजू नहाने के बाद, जरा आना , कुछ काम है ’’, बोल के मैं फिर उस विज्ञापन को निहारने लगा।
गुलाबी-गुलाबी सा अच्छी तरह बनाया गया विज्ञापन था। थोड़ी देर में श्रीमतीजी कप लेने आ गईं जो अभी खाली नहीं हो पाया था और संजू भी आ पंहुचा,
‘‘ हाँ पापा आपने बुलाया’’
‘‘ बेटा जरा मेरी पैन्ट लाना, बोल कर’’ , हाथों में पकड़े कप को मैंने एक ही बार में खाली कर दिया।
 लो बेटा कहीें घूम फिर आना’’ पैन्ट की जेब से एक पांच सौ का नोट निकाल कर मैंने संजू को पकड़ाया।
 माँ, बेटा दोनों अवाक
बेटा तो चला गया पर श्रीमतीजी से रहा नहीं गया,
‘‘ अभी हाल ही तो पाकेट मनी दी थी इसे ’’
‘‘चलो बच्चाा है, कहीं घूम फिर आएगा, आज कल के बच्चों की जरूरतें हम लोगों से ज्यादा होती है’’ , मैंने टाला।
‘‘ बिगाड़ देंगे आप’’, जाते जाते श्रीमतीजी अपना तीर चला गईं।
तुम्हें क्या पता बिगाड़ रहा हूँ या कुछ ठीक करने की कोशिश कर रहा हूँ, मन ही मन बोल पाया मैं।
अखबार पलटते हुए सोचा काश हम अपने जीवन के पिछले पन्नों को भी अखबार की तरह पलट और संपादित कर पाते।
 अभी दसवीं में था मैं, अच्छे स्कूल में पढ़ता था, होनहार तो नहीं पर अच्छे बच्चाों में गिनती होती थी मेरी।
स्कूल शायद मेरी पारिवारिक स्थिति से ज्यादा अच्छा था। था तो मैं एक निम्न मध्यमवर्गीय परिवार से, पर पिताजी किसी काम का एहसास नहीं होने देना चाहते थे हमें। नगर पालिका में अवर श्रेणी लिपिक थे पिताजी प रमैं शहर के अच्छे कॉन्वेंट में पढ़ता था।
 हाँ, तो मैं दसवी ं में था, और महीना भी आ गया था फरवरी का, स्कूल, कॉलेजों में रूमानियत लेकर आती है फरवरी, हमारे स्कूल की फिजा भी कुछ गुलाबी-गुलाबी सी हो गई थी।
 आउटडेटेड घोंचू इत्यादि जैसे उपनामें से बचने और सामान्य होने की एक अहम शर्त थी आपके पास एक गर्लफैन्ड का होना सो मेरी भी थी उर्बी।
बहुत अच्छे परिवार से थी और पहला वेलेन्टाइन डे भी नजदीक आ रहा था। पर मैं बजाए ,खुश होने के डरा, सहमा, भागा-भागा फिरता।
वजह भी वाजिब थी, वेलेन्टाइन डे का मतलब था खर्चा, वैसे उर्बी ने मुझे कह ही दिया था, कभी कुछ मांगा नहीं था। पर मेरा भी  तो कुछ फर्ज बनता कोई अच्छा सा तोहफा, किसी अच्छे रेस्टोरेंट में खाना , कम से कम इतना तो होना ही चाहिए। पर इस कम से कम, कि भी  मैं ज्यादा-ज्यादा दस प्रतिशत ही पूर्ति कर सकता था ।
पाँच रुपए मिलते थे मुझे रोज पॉकेट मनी के लिए फरवरी की सात तारीख देखते-देखते आ गई, अब अगर इकठठा भी करता तो बहुत ज्यादा होते तो तीस-पैंतीस रुपए, एक कार्ड खरीद सकता था वो भी मामूली सा।
ऐसा नहीं था कि  घर में हमारे कोई कमी थी पर बंधी-बंधाई तनख्वाह में खर्च चलाना था घर का और पिताजी के आदर्श भी थे, जो चाहिए माँग लो , पैसे नहीं मिलेंगें।
अब उनको भला कैसे बताता, अपनी गर्लफे्रन्ड के साथ वेलेन्टाइन डेट पर जाना है।
उपाय एक ही था, किसी तरह उर्बी से सम्पर्क ही न किया करो जब तक ये वेलेन्टाइन नाम की बला न टल जाए।
जहाँ सभी दोस्त योजनाएँ बनाते, वेलेन्टाइन डे की बात करते मेरा मन दुखी हो जाता अपनी बेबशी पर।
चोरों की तरह उर्बी से नजरें चुराता फिरता। बस यही कोशिश रहती मेरी कि किसी तरह ये बला टल जाए , बाद में उर्बी को मना लूंगा।
उसने भी मेरे बर्ताव में असामान्यता महसूस की क्या हो गया है ‘‘ तुम आज कल अपसेट रहते हो ’’, पूछा था उसने । ‘‘ कुछ तबियत ठीक नहीं रहती’’ कह कर टाल गया था मैं।
इस बार वेलेन्टाइन डे रविवार को पड़ा था, बस मुझे किसी तरह संभालना था क्योंकि शनिवार और रविवार हमारा स्कूल बंद रहता था। जैस -तैसे गुरूवार टल गया , बस अब एक शुक्र वार की बात है सोचकर थोड़ा सुकून हुआ।
शुक्रवार को उसने कई बार बात करने की कोशिश की पर आज मैं किसी भी कीमत पर बच निकलना चाहता था और निकलता गया सारा दिन , आखिरी क्लास थी , बस चन्द मिनटों की बात थी और सब सामान्य हो जाना था, मैंने राहत की सांस ली ।
छुट्टी की घण्टी बजते ही निकल भागना चाहा मैंने द्वन्द से , पर वो मेरे सामने खड़ी थी। शायद ताड़ गई थी कि क्या करने जा रहा था मैं।
‘‘ तबियत ज्यादा खराब रह रही है क्या आज कल, बहुत परेशान-परेशान दिखते हो’’ , बड़ी मासूमियत से कहा उसने।

मुझे काटो तोह खून नहीं ये मुलामियत कुछ ज्यादा ही चुभ रही थी.
‘‘नहीं, ठीक है, कहो’’, मैं जैसे बलि के लिए टायर हो गया.
‘‘यार, मम्मी आ गयी, सुनो तुम रविवार को शाम चार बजे के करीब मनुहार आ जाना मैं तुम्हारा इंतजार करुँगी जरुर आना’’, उसने अपना फरमान सुना दिया.
उसका,‘जरुर आना’ किसी पत्थर सा मेरे सिर से टकराया था.
उस दिन घर जाते वक़्त बस्ता कुछ ज्यादा ही भरी लग रहा था.
रत को अजीब बेचैनी थी, रोया भी खूब, पर खुद को संभाला.
अब जाना तो पड़ेगा रो के क्या फायदा, कुछ सोचो, करो की माँ से पैसे मिल जायें.
रोते-सम्हालते रात कट गयी. मैंने सोच लिया था, माँ से बोलूँगा की दोस्तों के साथ घुमने जाना है, अगर नहीं दिया तो जिद करूँगा.
सुबह से ही मौका तलाशने लगा, माँ से कहने का, जल्दी से जल्दी माँ की हाँ या ना सुन लेना चाहता था. क्योकि अगर माँ हां कह देती तोह मुझे शांति मिल जाती और ना कहती तो, मुझे माँ को मानाने और जिद करने के लिए समय चाहिए था जो मेरे पास सिर्फ एक दिन का ही था.
खाने की मेज पर आखिर मैंने बोल  ही दिया, ‘‘माँ, मुझे कुछ पैसे चहिये दोस्तों के साथ घुमने जाना है कल’’.
‘‘ तुझे पता है न पिताजी की तनख्वाह सब नाप-नाप के खर्च करना पड़ता है, जाना ही था तो पहले बता देता’’, कहके माँ चावल निकलने लगी.
मेरी आँखों में आंसू आ गए. शायद माँ नें भी देखा.
‘‘ कहा जाना है’’, माँ ने पूछा.
‘‘ फन सिटी’’, मैंने झूठ बोला.
‘‘ दो सौ में, हो जायेगा’’, माँ ने पूछा.
‘‘ हाँ ’’, मैंने कहा, दु:ख के आंसू ख़ुशी के आंसुओं में बदल गए सच में बड़ा चंकल होता है किशोर मन.
‘‘चल ले लेना, पर आखिरी बार समझे’’, माँ बोल के पानी निकालने चली गयी.
खोदा पहाड़ निकली चुहिया, सब इतनी आसानी से हो गया की मुझे अजीब लगा. कभी कभी कोई नामुमकिन सा लगने वाला कम अगर आशानी से हो जाये तो एक खालीपन सा महसूस होता है, सफल होने पर भी असफल होने का बहन होने लगता है.
खैर शाम अच्छी कटी मेरी.
पर रात आते-आते मुझे निम्न माध्यम वर्गीय नैतिकता नें घेर लिया.
कितने मुश्किलों से मुझे मेरे माँ बाप पढ़ा लिखा रहे हैं और मैंने झूठ बोला, वो भीवेलेन्टाइन डे के लिए. ये शब्द लगातार मुझे बेचैन कर रहे थे, पर दूसरी तरफ उर्बी, काख्याल था. द्वन्द ने मुझे देर तक जगाये रखा, कब सो गया मैं, पता नहीं.
सुबह उठकर मैंने फैसला किया की कोई नकारात्मक बात नहीं सोचूंगा, सिर्फ अछे से उर्बी के साथ अपनी पहली वेलेन्टाइन डेट मनाऊंगा.
समय कट ही नहीं रहा था, मैं जल्दी से जल्दी तिन बजने का इंतज़ार कर रहा था, ताकि मैं, जा सकूँ, उर्बी से मिलने, बस से आधे घंटे लगते थे मनुहार पहुँचने में.
माँ से पैसे लिए और निकल पड़ा. अपनी गली के मोड़ पर बैठे फुल वाले से, एक गुलाब का फुल लिया और उसका एक कोन बनवा लिया. हालाँकि बहुत शर्म आ रही थी गुलाब खरीदने में. ख़ुशी ज्यादा नहीं टिक पाई, बस की धक्का मुक्की में, निम्न माध्यम वर्गीय नैतिकता नें मेरे चंकल किशोर मन को फिर जकड लिया. सोचा पिताजी भी रोज बस में ऐसे ही जाते होंगे और मैंने माँ से झूठ बोला.
द्वन्द फिर हावी हो गया, सोचा चलो आज तो झूट बोल के हो गया पर अगली बार क्या करूँगा. मासूम मन उस उम्र के एक कठोर फैसले की तरफ बढ़ रहा था, पर उर्बी का ख्याल फैसला कमजोर कर रहा था.
आखिर नैतिकता जीत गयी, मैंने तय कर लिया की उर्बी को बोल दूंगा की अच्छा होगा अब हम अपनी दोस्ती ख़त्म कर लें, और भाग आऊंगा. उसे बड़ी तकलीफ होगी सोच के बहुत बुरा लगा पर और क्या कर ही सकता था मैं.
भारी क़दमों से मनुहार की सीढियाँ चढ़ा. दरवान नें दरवाजा खोला सामने की टेबल पर ही उर्बी बैठी थी.
‘‘ हेल्लो रवि’’, उर्बी की खनकती आवाज़ ने मेरा स्वागत किया.
मैंने भुझे मन से, ‘‘ हाय’’, कहा और बैठ गया.
अभी बैठा ही था की एक सुन्दर सा लडक़ा दोनों हाटों में कोल्ड्रिंक की बोतल लिए हमारी टेबल पर आ कर बैठ गया.
‘‘ रवि ये हैं शशांक, मेरे बचपन का दोस्त और शशांक ये है रवि मेरा क्लास मेट और सबसे अच्छा दोस्त’’, उर्बी नें हम दोनों का परिचय करवाया.
‘‘ रवि शशांक से ही मिलवाने के लिए मैंने तुम्हे बुलाया था’’, उसने मुझे बुलाने का कारन बताया.
‘‘ यार, फिर कभी अच्छे से मिल लेंगे, आज मुझे थोडा काम है’’, थोड़ी औपचारिक बात चित के बाद मैंने कहा और बहार निकल आया.
अब मैं मनुहार की सीढियाँ उतर रहा था, और मेरे मन का सारा भारीपन मेरी आँखों के रास्ते बहार आ रहा था.

Her Confessions....

Tears rolled down my eyes, not of grief but of overwhelming love I felt for her.

Though honestly she was the fifth girl I had an acquaintance with, it was after so many years that I felt the same tickling sensation of tender feelings as I did in my teens when clad in my school uniform I used to sit shyly besides my first girlfriend.  

Barring my first crush of school days I have been cold with relationships, they have been more mechanical thereafter.

And this time also it was after six months of being in a relation with her I felt the chord for her.

Emotions suppressed for years erupted like a volcano, tears rolled down my eyes.

I got attracted towards Ruchika (name changed) more because of her physical appearance as it occurred to me most of the times. Soon we were closed enough to be identified as couples. It was going on for around six months. My stock of romance was falling short, what I felt that she too was feeling the same. Though didn’t have any confrontations but were not able to enjoy our company to its fullest.

Then it happened one day she called me up.

“Yaar I want to say something to you, I have tried to say it many times but the fear that I will loose you restricted me from doing so”, she paused a bit.

Then was again,

“You know a lot about me but then also you don’t know a lot of things, I have had a lot of affairs with many guys and there was a time when I used to have boyfriends as timepass. Moreover I started off with you with the same intentions that will enjoy a bit and them dump you, honestly I even tried doing so you could see that I am trying to avoid you nowadays but I couldn’t...I couldn’t rather I have realised that you understand me, you are not like my old boyfriends, I don’t want to forget you ever, even if we don’t have any relationship, I will always remember you as a special one, who understood, cared and loved me. Now I could not speak anymore at this moment, see you”, she hung up.

I was spellbound.

Confessions have the power of winning faiths. I felt cheap of myself being so ignorant and taking her as my old girlfriends. I was down on my bed, switched on my system and went through her pictures and viewed them with a new vision. In those pictures it seemed to me that her eyes really spoke the language of love, innocence emanated from her every expression. The more I though of her the more I got engrossed in her, at last ended with tears in my eyes.

The next time we met, I felt as if we were on our first date with her. I was happy.

Simultaneously I was feeling a burden on my shoulders.

Things went well for the next couple of months. We dated made love cared for each other, but then again with the passage of time I conceived a feeling that she is trying to avoid me again.

Her apathy, coupled with my carrier related worries, buried our love.

My family had a shift to another town I too moved. But I left Kolkata with a feeling of guilt especially after her confessions, that it was me who did the wrong I couldn’t give her the love she craved for.

Life went on.

It was again after around 6 months of leaving Kolkata, I was sitting in a cyber cafe near Varanasi Cant railway station, besides hotel Gautam Grand where I was staying.

I though of checking out her email, actually during our intimate times, we shared everything even the emails and passwords.

Though before logging in I was suspicious she  must have changed the password, but it was the same.

I logged in, there were routine marketing mails. Navigating through them my curiosity landed me to check out her sent mail folder, where the third sent mail carried the subject line saying, “My Confessions”.

I clicked it open.

“Hello,

          Raunak, how are you dear, I wanted to say something to you which otherwise I wasn’t able to say. Dear we are in a relationship for around six months now and have loving memories of times spent together. Today what I will be telling you is something which I wanted to convey you for long but the fear that I might loose you restricted me from doing so..........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................”

The letter echoed each and every word which once she told me over phone and I took it to be her confessions.

Can’t express what exactly I felt but was neither happy nor sad, was feeling unstable, uneasy and for once more...Tears rolled down my eyes.

Honestly can’t say what forced these tears out, whether they were of the relief from the burden of not doing justice with her emotions or it was due to the..............................

I will better ask my readers to suggest me whether I was relieved, happy or grief stricken. Please tell me...

Written for Indiblogger Fire and Freeze moment. Check it out on Facebook

Her mysteries, her love makings...

 (This is in continuation of the story A date with the girl I loved, this chapter comes after the last one Need a hug sweetu...)

She is a confused mess

The next day I was refreshed, partly due to the recharge of her love filled hug, partly due to the eased out psychological pressure of the assignment which was complete.

I was back to the college.

What I forget till now in our college we had a group of very sweet friends, me, Chintu the notorious, Urbi the childish sweetie and Arpita the spectacle, mind you spectacle not for her looks but for her spects…lolz.

And yeah she wasn’t in our group, she was in the rivals' camp but to be exact she was nowhere, she was alone. (Even today though she isn’t with me I really feel pity for her loneliness. Though being beautiful she is surrounded with guys but she is always like lonely in the crowd. She doesn’t owe even a single friend. )

A serious class of communication was going on when suddenly breaking the seriousness of the class, emerged the SMS from Chintu.

"Frndz while thinking about this Haber's model of communication what I came through that in order to grasp it properly we need to watch a movie right after this class…Metro Plaza… a nice one I promise".

And it was done, this was how we planned. But Sibbi not being a member of our group was not informed.

I messaged her.

"Yar We are gong for a movie, wish you to be with us".

"No you people go", She replied.

I had to leave her partly because of the time of the show and partly given the peer pressure, she being close to the rival camp was not welcomed in our group.

I was feeling uneasy as I moved ahead, really wished to watch the movie with her.

Couldn’t control, I dialed her up again.

"What's the problem do you have any work", I asked.

"No, you go dear I am not feeling like", was her reply.

"Ok, if your mind changes just give a call", I disconnected.

We were ahead of time but there was a rush at the theatre. Anyhow we managed the tickets. Now again the phone rang, it was her.

"Dear I am near the theatre where are you people", she said.

"You are a confused mess", I said but was happy.

Unfortunately by the time she arrived it was houseful. Any how ticket was managed but she couldn’t sit with me. She is a complete package of confusion even today I firmly believe that she is a 'pagli', never knowing what to do.

Her mysterious sobs

Two days later I was again busy preparing for an interview of an expert working on the sparrows, named Mohammed Dilawar who is also called 'sparrow man' given to his contributions. (Time magazine selected him as Times Hero for environment 2008)

Though it was an email based interview but it kept me busy enough and I could not take stock of her for the whole day.

It was around four of clock in the evening when I saw her sitting below a tree with Ritu another batch mate.

I went ahead to her, she was looking down, I was turning curious.

"She hadn’t had anything since morning" Ritu told me and left us.

I looked at her she broke down into tears, I turned mad but controlled my emotions. Actually at tough times we break down when we see someone closer to us, its like a child getting punishment in his class will not weep but if his or her mother comes at that time it would be hard stop him from breaking down.

I was uneasy thinking, my sweetie didn’t have anything since morning and I was unaware how stupid I am.

"Come now get up", was all I could say.

She stood, took her to stall outside the college gates. Ordered Dosha she had it.

Fearing she could again break down into tears I avoided asking anything.

She was better now.

"I don’t have any change for the bus fare", she uttered.

I gave her; she boarded a bus for home.

Her ardent love making

She got her hair straightened up and was looking gorgeous in a blood red top.

I was spell bound just stared and could not utter a word to her. Not even tell her that she is looking awesome.

Last night during our conversation her last message said, "Dear I could make you hot anytime"

Today seeing her I realized the truth of her words but I was avoiding the pull, after all we were in a college because otherwise I just felt like taking her in my arms.

"Today your girl is looking gorgeous", Sunil Tripathi a senior passed a comment.

I didn’t say anything but I liked the word 'your girl' really tickled me. That day we didn’t had much interaction to be honest I couldn’t, I just felt like looking and hugging her tight, no talks, no words but being in college, I avoided interaction.

It was again in the evening that I met her. There was some clamour in our department as our HoD Surendra Nath Bhattacharya was in off mood.

It wasn’t a usual affair, he was always in off mood but today  there was some complicated issue andhe was spitting fire on the students.

"Hello", I said as I approached her.

It was close to dusk.

"Yar lets move upstairs", She replied.

"No yar SB is spitting fire the environment of the department is heated up", I apprised her of the situation.

"I myself don’t want to there, lets move to the roof top", She uttered with a mysterious smile.

Bells rang in my mind.

"No roof top let’s move to that conference hall", I suggested.

There were not just words but a tacit communication between us she stood up.

We went to the lift.

We walked in the conference hall. There was nobody in, except a security guard, who was eating something.

We sat there.

I took out a book and started reading, rather pretended reading.

Within a minute she closed down the book.

"Did you come here for reading", she asked a bit annoyed.

"But the guard", I said.

"You speak a lot over phone but when in front you turn dumbo", now she was provoking.

"Dear it’s the guard there or else…", as I uttered these words my hands were caressing her navel inside her top.

Tell you one thing I know by now though I didn’t knew then that she loves her navel to be caressed. I continued she sat unmoved, her eyes speaking the language of love.

My hands moved up.

“Stop wait for the guard to leave”, she checked me.

The guard left.

She stood up and headed straight towards the same abandoned office of that conference hall. Turned back, ogled at me. It was invitation which I could not deny.

Again it was the same abandoned office of the conference hall where we had our first kiss. I heartily thanked the college administration for keeping it abandoned.

I was kissing her passionately, she was co-operating overwhelmingly.

Suddenly she pushed me away. I stared she removed her hairs which were scattered on her shoulders.

Then the miracle…

After her hairs it was her red top that was pulled down to the waist.

As we stepped out of that office I once again thanked the college administration for keeping that office abandoned.

'Need a hug sweetu...'

(This is in continuation with the story..."A date with the girl I loved")

By this time you’ll, must be acclimatized with mine and my Sibby’s nature. I Shekhar, Shekhar Singh a born journalist (yes then I thought so).

A bengali by heart and birth and having origins in Uttar Pradesh. Those days I was yet to be a journalist. I was a student of journalism, and was pursuing masters from Department of Journalism, City College, Amherst street, Kolkata, under the (dis)able guidance of Surendra Nath Bhattacharya (called SB). Why disable would be discussed later.

We were 22 in a class, but for me the class meant Sibbi, Sibbi and Sibbi…From the very first day it could be called love at first sight, trust me it happens. I myself never believed in this dictum of love at first sight but started believing it after I met her. Even the psychological   studies say that it is the first time we see some one when our sub-conscious mind develops a name for that relation, though the materialization of the relation depends upon the further consequences.

Though initially I avoided her, though to be hones I could only avoid her from my physical behavior. The conditions of my inner me were quite contrary sometimes I used to get irritated (even today I get) thinking, why I think about her so much, I think that’s what we call love.

Well, I was m ad after, our first kiss, after I discovered here softness, after I touched her and loved her. I wanted to be with her round the clock.

“Hello, sweetie” I dialed her up in the night.

“Hi, how are you” she sounded fresh.

“Not fine” I poked her.

“Why what happened” She was curious.

“Yar I think I have become diabetic”, I replied.

“What? But how?” she was shocked.

“Yaar you are so sweet, how could I avoid being a diabetic” I was romantically naughty.

She heaved a sigh.

“Yaar do you liked it” I asked.

“Hmm…ya” she replied.

“Why so dilly dallying, don’t you liked it” I spoke carefully.

“Ya did liked it but you were in a hurry”, she confessed.

“Ok I will maintain all my patience next time”, I was dying for the next sweet dose.

“Hey…no next, wext ok; going to sleep bye”, she was sharp to catch what I meant.

“Ok a soft kissie over phone, my sleeping pill baby” I sought.

She gave.

Well being a student, the worst things are assignments, projects bla…bla… and all that stuff. That too being a journalism student (where you believe yourself to be a ‘shot gun’ journalist right from the day you are in and consider the academics to be a futile stuff), the things are really more difficult.

I had and project and it wasn’t academic myself being an ‘extra-charged battery’ I put in all my efforts. For around four to five days I either took dinner or had a lunch, didn’t even talked to her frequently.

At last it was the fifth day my project was at the verge of its completion. I was really sucked up.

Finally I was discussing the finishing points with my teacher in charge of that project.

Phone beeped.

She was with a message.

“You are looking so down”

I read it under the table, escaping the eyes of my teacher in charge.

“Really need a hug sweetu” she was again in here style I was overwhelmed my girl knew what I need the most that time.

Speed doubled I finished off all the affairs with my teacher in charge and walked out.

“Are you done with” the phone again blinked.

“Ya, where are you” I asked her.

“Wait coming” She was on the way.

“Chal”, she pulled me.

We headed towards our lift.

As soon as the doors closed, she pressed the button for the top floor.

I was amazed.

“Stop the lift” she ordered.

Then…

She hugged me tightly.

I was getting recharged.

Lift bell was ringing; probably someone must be waiting downstairs and pressing the button.

“Yar it’s ringing” I kissed her soft ears as I spoke.

“Bajne de (Let it ring)” was her reply.

   

And love kindles....(in continuation of 'A date with the girl I loved')

Love was in the air, winter was pepping in, we were in a class (I would mention later which class).

What I have written in the last pages (A date with the girl I loved) was the glimpse of the autumn of my relationships and like all other autumns it came after the spring, the spring of relationship filled with the fragrance of tickling feelings.

Both of us were in the same semester, same class, same course. That day she was looking beautiful (even today she looks and everyday she looks.. may be the flaw of my eyes).  A glimpse of her used to infuse pleasant wave down my spine, but really I was avoiding her, avoiding her not because I didn’t liked here but because I liked her too much, her pull was irresistible and I knew that once I give in, I will be all hers.

Well, in that class she was sitting just behind me and the class was going on. She touched my back something happened, but I remained cold rather pretended to be cold. She caressed my back, I put in all my efforts to be cool.

Following it, she leaned closer to my ears, “Tujhe toh kuch hota hi nahi” (Nothing happens to you).

I took a deep sigh, thought ‘darling how to say what’s going on within me”

“Sit properly yar, don’t do that” I opposed though to be honest I really liked that and wanted her to do more.

I think she was able to read my eyes which had the love for her. Her initiatives are today a puzzle for me, why she came closer to me when I avoided, if she didn’t love me.

Well, all was still and class went on.

Guys one thing I would like to share, it was really very hard to manipulate your expressions, when a  girl who rules your dreams is caressing you and you are in the direct eye contact of the teacher who is delivering you a boring lecture and expects that you remain attentive as if he is giving you the true essence of life. But anyhow I passed that test (one of the most liked examinations).

Class was over I rushed to the computer lab. There were two reasons of my escape one to check out my mail and the other was to avoid her pull, ya really I avoided her to my best though never roughly.

I logged in checked my mail, I logged in to facebook , checked out the updates from my friends but actually I didn’t notice anything either on my mail or facebook. I was out of my mind; draped in a green T shirt she was ruling my mind.

I t was 20 minutes or so she was there again. I pretended not to notice her, but again I not only noticed here but didn’t notice anything except her.

For few moments she moved aimlessly and then headed straight to me.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Nothing was having some work” l lied because I was doing nothing was expect waiting for her to come near to me.

She leaned down closer enough that the softest parts of her gorgeous body were rubbing my shoulders. For few moments she remained still (making me vibrant) and noticed my monitor.

“Tu sach mein bewakuf hai, tujhe kuch bhi nahi hota (you are really a fool nothing happens to you)”, she again whispered pouring sweetness in my ears.

I was experiencing a pleasant trembling sensation in me.

“Yar I am doing some serious work, so please” I pretended that as if I didn’t liked. (Needless to say, ‘I was lying’)

“Do all your serious works” she moved ahead, showing as if she was angry. (But trust me her expressions told a different story)

Her pull this time, was irresistible, I had to put in all my efforts to keep my eyes fixed to the monitor. Late in the night relaxed at my place, I was reading a novel.

Phone blinked it was her SMS “What are you doing”

“Nothing yaar just reading and missing you”  I replied.

“Why missing me” she was digging.

“Just like that, yar sometimes you make me uncomfortable” I was back.

Be cool yar, but why?” she again provoked.

“How to be cool?” I asked.

“Why can’t you?” she bounced.

“How can I be cool when you are so hot” I gave in.

“Toh tu v hot ho jaa na (Then you also become hot)” she was in her unique style.  This is her style I die at.

“How to be hot like you?” now I was playing.

“Look it’s getting late and I am feeling sleeping ok, enough now start or I will go to sleep” she gave a bouncer.

“What start” really I was puzzled what could be started over SMS!

“You are an idiot go to sleep wid a soft kiss my sweetu, now good night” she started.

Now I got what could be started over SMS. It was just an SMS but I felt as if she kissed.

“Swt dreams” I replied. The conversation for that day concluded but something else began.

A date with the girl I loved..(Part -2)

The deadly date
I postponed all my work, after all it was an aggrieved lover going to meet her beloved, and there was a hope that the flame can be rekindled. I dialed her up at around 10 in the morning to wake her up. She didn’t respond. Again I repeated at an interval of half an hour, she didn’t responded, I dialed again after 15 minutes (after all she was to meet me and it was my responsibility to awake her), but this time her phone was busy. U waited for another five minutes for her phone to be free and dialed again.


“Hello”, echoed her sweet and drowsy melody. I really love drowsy girls, sleepy; sleepy they really look cute and sweet. I turned romantic.

“Yaar, it will take some more time I can’t be ready by 12 stretch it by half an hour”, she again doused my romance.

I agreed as usual.

I was ready to move out, sat on my bike and dialed her at quarter past twelve, “Sweety I am moving out be on time, ok” I called her up.

“Not at all yaar, I am still not ready, make it at 1’o’ clock”, she ordered.

I agreed as usual (having no option either), then alighted from the bike returned to the bed.

It was near to 1 my mobile blinked it was an SMS, my heart bounced.

“Yar don’t come till I ask you to come, suddenly I got some work”, she again ordered.

I knew she won’t inform me, romanticism vanished, I was completely down. Dialed her up again,

“What is this dear, it’s not fair” I mellowed.

“Yar a friend of mine is coming to my place”, she expressed her compulsion, and the guy you claim you love was ignored because a friend was coming.

“But yar, do it as fast as you can make it by 1.30 at max”, I pleaded; despite knowing she will not make it, rather she never wishes to make it. (But I requested bcoz I was mad in her love)

“I will try” she SMSed.

“I again called her up at 1.25 yar now, I am coming” I tried to be a bit commanding. (When we love someone it automatically happens that we begin to believe that we have a right on our beloved, and I tried to execute that right)

“No not at all, can’t do it before 2 ‘o’ clock or may be 2.30, try to understand”, she made me understand what I already understood.

I called her up again at around 2.30 pm. (Now you can call me shameless for my servile attitude, but I know you won’t call me so, if you have ever fallen in love)



“Yaar, it will take more time at least half an hour more” she further tightened the screw.

Actually she was well aware of my schedule and she knew that I have other commitments after 4 ‘o’ clock in the evening and would not be free to meet her even if she says she is coming. So she was deftly trying to delay it till 4 ‘o’ clock.

But love makes you a bit stubborn, shameless and thus I decided to keep aside all my commitments.

I dialed her up at around 3 ‘o’ clock again.

“Yaar today we can’t meet”, she killed a corpse.

“But please yar”, I pleaded.

She disconnected.

I redialed.

“Yar please don’t do it, please come” I almost broke into tears.

“Nahi man nahi kar raha (Not feeling like meeting)” she was cold and cool.

“At least for few minutes please beta” I requested in a servile gesture. Actually I was not in my senses, I never knew what I am speaking, I just wanted to meet her, meet her and meet her.

(Now again you guys could call me a man without any self respect but I know you won’t if you have ever fallen in love and have been ditched.)

At last she agreed.

“Come to my place, we can meet outside for few minutes”, She exhibited compassion.

I rushed to her place, actually I knew her lane dropped her in past but was not aware of her exact house. Went in front of her lane, and again called her up. I caved in right there felt as if I am unconscious her phone was switched off.

Terrible! What I was feeling I never knew myself.

Kept sitting on my bike unmoved, still, unconscious I kept on dialing her number, every time it said, ‘the number you are dialing is switched off’ it shook me, broke something inside me, I dialed, SMSed and did everything to contact her. After around half an hour or so cant say I gained some consciousness and kicked started my bike as I was on my way one of my SMSes was delivered I got a delivery report, signaling that her phone is switched on.

I think she switched off her phone but later she must have switched it on out of some compassion (mind u compassion not love, which I was craving for)

I stopped and dialed her up again, “Ya where are you”, she was talking normally as if nothing happened.

“Yar why you switched off your phone, I was waiting for half an hour or so”, I complained again with the illusion that I have a right to do so.

“Not at all! My phone was switched on all the time, by the way come in front of my lane I am heading towards it” she denied and ordered.

At last she came; there was no communication at all.

I drove my bike closer to her, she sat.

We moved, later I asked her to take some coffee, she denied. Again asked for cold drink she denied.

“I don’t have much time to have coffee and colddrink my friend is still waiting I took a leave of 10 minutes”, she again made me feel down.

Then started the most strange date I was driving aimlessly sometimes in this street, sometimes in that lane it continued for hour, she was pillion.., and spent at least an hour but denied to have a cup of coffee, where I could talk and share some quiet moments with her, the moments for which I was craving for more than a fortnight..

Later breaking the ice I asked, “Tell me honestly, do you love me”

She lied blatantly, “Yes, I do love you”. (Again after knowing that she never loved me I asked her, and you won’t believe that even now while penning it down, somewhere in my heart it echoes that, ‘may be she was not lying, she really loved me’. )

I left her.., by the time I dropped her back, she was furious at me. Actually she wished me to drive fast so that she could return and I taking it to be the last journey of my love, wanted the journey to last forever.., I was slowest.

I was vacant... chordless...stagnant...never knowing where to go, what to speak, what to do.., I was avoiding known ones, thinking everyone will make fun of my wretchedness, I the loser...



Despair, ultimately I lost her...but did I have anything to loose upon? (My heart still says, I had, I lost). But will she ever understand that from that day onwards she started loosing me...



Even after this ‘date’ I loved her from the very depth of my heart. (trust me I did, don’t know why but I did)

I called her up umpteen times, and she fucked me up umpteen times.

Now, its normal she is generous again, but I am missing something, yes you guess the right, “I miss the love I had for her”

Even today I could not believe..how it happened to a cold guy like me, but really it happened…I loved her.

With the every turn I take in my bed a new day with her comes up it was a hot summer when I had the chance to see her for the first time………..



(Will be back if possible….with the tickling moments I shared with her prior to this devastation..)

A date with the girl I loved

(A story)
I should have written it in Hindi, being mother tongue it connects and I am really in a good mood, can't dare to spoil it.
The date I will be talking about is really a special one its rare but I think it happens atleast once in everyone's life (pardon I am generalizing but I you are screwed at least once in a life, and fools like me more than once)
I had a date with 'my' girl at time around 12 'o' clock, venue not decided. Prior to it I had a fight with her and I was the loser. I was screwed, tattered, scattered and…….when the date was fixed.
First of all let me throw some light on the background. I was madly emotional (don't know why and how I became trust me I am not of the like who get senty) about her, really. It was since a fortnight, I could not even talk to her personally, though we met almost everyday but in public. That day I wanted to share some personal moments with her (now don't take it otherwise I just wanted to be with her), she was avoiding I knew. But as I confessed I was really mad, mad in her love and when you are so, you don’t believe rather don’t want to believe what you know.
Thanks to modern technologies you could share personal thoughts even if you are in public. I SMSed her: 'Yar its long we spend some personal moments together, dear wanna b wid u'
She was apathetic
I repeated
Again she was apathetic
I repeated
'Ok, but wait' she coldly gave a nod.
I waited, and was waiting when she was moving out with a friend of hers. Failing to bear I intervened.
She turned, "back in 5 minutes"
I believed (rather didn’t had any other option than to believe her words, though I knew she wont come)
As soon as she headed forward , I could not resist called her up, "dear where are you going, wanna have some food, hope you are hungry".
"No just heading to the ATM will be back within few minutes" she said innocently.
I waited
Again thanks to the modern technology, I had a msg from her, trust me my hands were trembling as I pressed to read the message, it read: 'Mistakenly the key of my house is with me, sis is waiting I need to leave for home'
My heart wept ……..Hurt, but desperate I called her up
"Yar I am in the bus heading for home" she lied.
"N where's your frnd" I asked. (though I knew she too was with her)
"She left me just now may be going back to you", she lied again.
Actually she ignored me my emotions and went to marketing with her friend.
I was breaking down, she was playing with my emotions and I was letting her play.
Within me a volcano was eager to erupt, I desperately feeling like bursting into tears but I couldn’t.
It was later after sometime I decided to call up her friend, actually she's a mutual friend.
"Dear where r u pass the phone to her" I tried my best to sound normal.
She passed her mobile to her, it was an casual affair.
"Haan bol" she asked as if nothing happened.
"I hate you" was all I could say. (though I lied not only to her but to me myself as I didn’t hated but rather loved her madly)

(to be continued....actually I just wanted to pendown a short take but it streched....will be back with the real scene of the story...the deadly date, to avoid disinterest i just penned down the first part talking about the back ground of that date)

ROMANCING WITH TERROR(A STORY)

On a night like this he would not have been out. But tonight it was different ,the thundering clouds and dizzling rains, further accelerated the intoxication, of the peg, he had with his friends. His loneliess and the charming weather forced him out of his place. And to his fortune, dizzling was over as he stepped out, now the wet surrounding every wet, with a soothing coldness of air after rains infused a wave of thrill in his veins and he reacted with a pleasant shiver.
It was 2 o'clock, he was back after his shift of 3-12, riding over the romanticism of the night Riya, his girl friend, came to his memories and in few minutes he was sitting on a bench in his front garden below the lamp post, his fingers were busy dialing a number, but there was a negative response preferably she had a night shift and the phone was switced off.
He had no option, other than to satisfy himself with her memories, he stretched his legs on the bench and closed his eyes. The drowsiness was making him more romantic, he was kissing his beloved amidst the charms of this deadly night, though in his memories, it was nothing less than a true pleasure.
He was half slept, engrossed in making love with his beloved. Now, as he embraced her in his arms, he was in a state of confusion, whether he is really with Riya or dreaming, to confirm, he opened his eyes and to his surprise, it was Riya. We just asked her when she came but there was no reply. She was talking in the language of love, her eyes giving the tacit message of love. Soon he was lost in her eyes he just embraced her in arms. Slowly the grip of soft Riya was becoming stronger, he took it to be the warmth of feelings but soon they were tight enough to make him give a shrill cry. Now, he was struggling to get himself free, the romantic weather turned deadly, he was even not able to speak, wet with sweat. The grip of Riya was now tight enough to break his rib cage.
With all his strength he threw her off.
His eyes gaped wide open to see the unbelievable. It was a deadly creature with hollow transparent eyes, bifurcated lips, like snakes coming out regularly, distorted face, curved nose, in all the scene was enough to terrify the terror itself. He was spellbound, panic, panting, soon he lost his senses.
Next time he opened his eyes he was on a comfortable bed, attend by a doctor back to consciousness after two days, but as he turned his eyes towards Riya with a shrill cry, his heart stopped beating, for he was not sure whether it was Riya or ...............